Baby Loss awareness - my story
I am one in four.
I'm yet to meet somebody who isn't somehow affected by pregnancy and infant loss - be that having experienced it themselves, and if not, then someone they know. A niece, a nephew, a grandson or granddaughter. A friend's early miscarriage, a friend of a friend having a TFMR.
Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place every year during the month of October - the whole month is actually an awareness month, but this week is where it intensifies and culminates at the end with the Wave of Light being observed.
As somebody who has had the unfortunate experience of pregnancy loss, and then the addition of infertility and secondary loss through failed IVF, this particular week of the year can feel quite heavy. I think it's so important though for the awareness to be raised, to help break down those taboos, as they are still very present in today's society.
A lot has changed over the last decade when it comes to pregnancy and infant loss awareness, a lot of that down to ease of access and the ability to share and connect over social media. People feel less alone in their journeys. I know it definitely plays that role for me.
The reported statistics show that one in four women is affected by pregnancy and infant loss - I imagine the actual statistics would be even higher if every single loss was reported, but some women will lose a baby before they ever know they're pregnant and other women won't seek medical attention.
One of the things I have learned over the years is just how different every person's journey is, not just with gestation or age, but also circumstance that affect how they can move forward with the pain. It's a different pain to other losses I think, where it completely goes against the natural order of the world and how it "should" be. You not only miss and feel pain for the pregnancy or baby you lost, but you also grieve for what would, should and could have been had they stayed.
When you think about them, you don't think only of who they were, but everything they would have been. You grieve for the baby cries, the opening their eyes. You grieve for their toddlerhood. You grieve for the child they'd have become and every moment and milestone missed. You grieve for knowing you'll never have them welcome a partner home, and then the potential of missing grandchildren you'll never get to meet too.
The losses following the loss run so intensely, so deep, that the getting through it can sometimes feel unfathomable.
Baby loss awareness week helps people feel less alone with that as a community, but also helps those around them know how to support them, know where to signpost if needed, and to understand how detrimental and heartbreaking such loss is. The awareness week isn't really "awareness" for the people who have experienced it, rather for those around them to become more aware to it.
I've shared some links here that might be beneficial to people reading this:
https://www.tommys.org/get-involved/campaigns/baby-loss-awareness-week