Family, friends and friction
Family, friends and friction
I remember once being told that you should never work with or for family or friends.
I also remember scoffing at this and thinking how much easier it would be to hire people who I care about and who already care about me, because they'd not only be invested in the business surviving and thriving, but I'd rather pay someone I know to help them put food on the table over a stranger.
Over the years, I've come to learn exactly why that sentiment rings true, and why somebody made a point of telling me so.
Now, don't get me wrong, the last almost a decade (wow!) of owning a business has been an absolute roller coaster in so many ways, and I am hugely appreciative of anyone who has been a part of this journey at any point. I just think it's important to talk about the nitty gritty that people rarely talk about, especially reaching out to other small business just setting up, who can learn from others who have already been there and done that. I like to keep it real, and be transparent with you guys.
Finding the balance between friend and boss is a lot more difficult than it looks on the surface, especially when there are outside factors influencing - such as the devastating impact of covid, mental health issues, partial business closures, premises sales, school closures, family life, and so, so much more.
In hindsight it's easy to sit back and see what could, should and would have been done differently but the truth is in the moment you just have to do what you think is best with the information you have at that time... and we can't always get it right.
I've done a lot of self-reflection over the last 18 months especially, had important conversations, and made amends with people along the way, but I know realistically that so many of the relationships I had with people prior to starting Sarah's Creative Kitchen are forever changed, or obliterated completely.
The thing about being a business owner, and something I've come to accept more recently, is that nobody is as invested in the business as I am. It's my baby, alongside Alfie of course (and he is 1st above all and the absolute priority!), but I'm deeply involved in a way nobody else is... to others, working at SCK is merely a job, a way to make ends meet, and to pay a wage to cover outgoings. I know now that that's okay and isn't reflective at all on the business nor should it ever be taken to heart by me, but it was.
I didn't understand why I was giving my 100% and others were giving 90% ... I know now that's because that extra 10% that I had to give, was the fact the business belonged to me, was reliant on me the most, and any and all decisions that could affect anybody in the company sat with me. I had the most control, the most input. Anyone working with or for me at any time has been a part of the process in terms of making, baking, creating, creative input & success, but the bones of the business resided with me. I was the person who ultimately decided whether it succeeded or failed and I didn't want the latter.
Because of how deep into the worry of failure I got, I ended up working 16-hour days, 7 days a week, most weeks and absolutely burnt myself out. Naturally, this had a huge negative impact on my mental health. I was shorter fused, less relaxed, and probably not that nice of a boss to work for in all honesty - I was taking my (then undiagnosed) mental health issues into work without realising.
I also know that whilst accepting my own short comings and understanding how I could have done things differently, working with friends and family can create feelings of complacency. E.g. "I can be a little bit late to work today she won't mind" ... taking longer breaks, not giving the same effort that would be given in bigger corporations working for someone you might know by name but who's house you'll never visit. That complacency rapidly leads to a workplace where things become less fair on the whole for everyone working there, as a few may be getting perks that the rest aren't privy too, even if done completely unintentionally.
I think taking orders from someone you might have sat and had a family meal with the night before can feel quite... patronising? In one room you're on the same level of "importance", if you will, but in work there's a hierarchy and I just happen to be the person topping it with the need to tell you what to do. It can be uncomfortable and cause tension absolutely. I think it definitely did.
I remember going months and months without an income to make sure my staff were paid first and foremost as it should never fall on them to take a cut if we're ever short. Despite this, some people have come into the business as friends and left as strangers - something I find really upsetting, but we can't always get it right.
I think the most important lesson in all of this is to hold space for employees to be able to have that open conversation with you about their working life, but to also build a rapport enough with them that you can have conversations in return without it becoming a bigger issue than it needs to be, or making things awkward at work. I.e. do not take work home. If you work with family or friends, leave the office talk at the door and don't let it impact your relationships beyond it.
I'm lucky to have been able to rekindle some of those lost relationships, and I'm thankful to have people around me who understand that it's my first time living too.