Friendship circles....

How have your friendships changed over the years? I remember making friends in my younger years and firmly believing I'd have them for life, that we'd see each other through all the milestones and be there for one another regardless of which paths we took. It's just not the case is it? Now that's not me saying it's necessarily a bad thing, I'm a firm believer in my wiser, older age, that friendships can come and go - some stay and become permanent, others stay for seasons - and that's okay. 

Someone can walk into your life and be exactly who and what you needed in a friendship in that moment, then slowly fizzle into nothingness with no bad feelings. It's like the universe lends them for a little while to have you feel less alone in what you're going through, or to celebrate a certain win with you, or even just to muddle through the mundane with you for a while, but then a time comes where the friendship doesn't serve the same purpose and forcing to prolong it can result in bitterness. It doesn't usually end as the result of a conversation - there are no break ups or long paragraphs over text - it just slowly works it's way down. 

I've been having conversations with Alfie about this recently, especially since he became home ed, with the worries of socialisation and pressures to have peers. Being mum I've explained to him that it's natural for friendships to change, and that the likelihood of maintaining one from primary school to adulthood is very, very slim... though it's also hugely beneficial to be around people your own age as you grow to help you develop, to learn, and to become a part of your community and social structure. 

Alfie is quite happy in his own little world, but he does also thrive on being with other children who have common interests. He loved bonding over Lego! Finding social groups for him to make friends in whilst being home educated are primarily based on his personal interests as opposed to locality, happenstance friendships formed just because he got enrolled at the same school, or forced friendships with people just because I'm close to their mums and dads... 

I'm hoping this will naturally result in some of those friendships being long lasting, but regardless, I've taught him how special and important they are even if they're fleeting. 

As a chronic people pleaser, a part of me used to feel an obligation to certain relationships and friendships, to the point of forcing and faking at the detriment of my mental health. I came to learn and accept that this wasn't fair, not only on me, but on the other person too. It's normal, and absolutely okay, for a friendship to pass. I realised along the way that the ones I'd hold on to long after I should have let them go often turned nasty or bitter, and I believe that's because it had ran it's course and we were heading down different paths where common interests and beliefs were changing. 

Granted, there absolutely are some beautiful and wonderful friendships worth fighting for and holding on to. 

Some of the most important people in my life I met as a grown woman, later in life after setting up the business and having Alfie - some of them during my pregnancy with him, actually. I might not be surrounded by the girls I had in my early 20s or late teens, but I do have who I need at this moment, to help me flourish and be the best version of myself... who help support me, who's friendship is mutual and there's a common understanding. 

I think that's really special.