NO BACK TO SCHOOL PHOTO HERE..
The return to school pictures all over social media have led to conflicting emotions for me this year. Contrary to what I thought would be the case I've actually really missed doing that dreaded uniform shop!
There is no doubt in my mind that pulling Alfie out of the mainstream education system earlier this year was the right thing to do because, quite frankly, nothing else was being done internally about the serious bullying issues we were having (physically and mentally) and it really did become our only option. That hasn't meant it's been plain sailing or without the moments of missing what was.
Thought it might seem like such a minor thing, it's really hit me this month seeing all the other children getting their new uniform on, with their shiny new shoes, standing at the front door for the obligatory back to school picture. You know parents are stood behind the camera, proud as punch, excited to show them off and wishing them well on their next stage of learning.
It feels unfair, for Alfie, that he doesn't get to experience that this year, when it's solely down to preventable actions of others that he can't. I'm also feeling a little sorry for myself here, truth be told, as I'm quite a sentimental person really and after trying so hard for Alfie for so long I really have valued and cherished these moments with him over the last few years. It feels surreal to think that I might never have another one like it - granted we have our own new traditions to form and in the grand scheme of things it isn't the end of the world, but it just feels ... sad, I guess.
Not sure I was ready for this part of home schooling. One perk of the school system is that it separates education and home. There's a clear boundary between school terms and holiday dates, and that first day back in September is the marker of the next stage. It becomes a pivotal part of their growing up doesn't it? One of those days you'd get nervously excited for in the lead up. New uniform ironed and hung up waiting, new shoes at the door, new bag packed ready, after shopping for hours whilst he takes his time choosing the perfect one!
This year I guess we will have to create our own "back to school" tradition. There's no uniform, no bag, no new shoes... but there is a happy, healthy little boy eagerly awaiting his next phase of learning in a safe, secure and nurturing environment. A boy who isn't crying and refusing to leave the house in the morning to get in the car to go because he's scared of what might come that day. A boy who doesn't go to sleep at night now worrying that he's going to get punched or kicked or called nasty names by his peers the following day. A boy who knows, even when it's hard, that we will fight tooth and nail, and do anything else necessary, to make sure he gets the education he deserves without compromising his mental health and wellbeing for it. In the end, that's all that matters really.